Interim Online Review 15/02/2011Hey Naomi,Okay - no elves, okay? The comedy in your story comes from the fact that a super intelligent inventor (who has invented robots etc.) can not, in fact open a simple deck chair. This is funny BECAUSE he is an inventor. It is NOT FUNNY if he is an elf! Because he is an inventor it seems to me that you're missing some opportunities for some visual humour (and some nice prop design opportunities). In your script you have him using a crow bar - fine - but I would anticipate that this inventor would have special automated screwdrivers, and all sorts of automated gadgets that then fail to open the deck chair - concluding with a robot that overheats trying to attempt the simple task. Your Act 2 could be much more 'fun' if you used the logic of your character more fully.Also - while I think it's very interesting to have the inventor inventing the deck chair, I think it's more comedic if the deck chair is actually quite ordinary (because it's the ordinariness that makes his difficulty opening it amusing). So, in your original script, you had the inventor going into his cellar in order to get a deck chair in which to sit outside in the garden. You can still begin this way; he goes downstairs, which is where he keeps all his previous inventions, which means you can have all that act 2 silliness with all the different tools and machines. You could construct act 2 from lots of short, little scenes - montage-style, showing the inventor's increasingly desperate measures.Your essay intro is solid - but beware repetition - if you read it over carefully, you should be able to see when you're stating the same intention twice.
Okay, no elves. I thought it was a good idea but as you think it's not, I will not do so. I will consider on bring in a screw driver to the story that would cause him to get electrocuted. Not in an instant death but in what happens to the characters in cartoons. I may bring in a laser gun that could bounce off the deck chair to his face, knocking him backwards. I will get my Act 2 to have it's logic.
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